Sunday, 29 January 2012

Development of a Balloon Fetish

I think I'll try to answer the most frequently asked question I get, and that is how did my fetish start, when can I first remember it, etc.

Well I am not entirely sure as I cannot remember a single time where I was like 'hmmm, balloons now turn me on!'. Anyway, I'll discuss events in my life which I think were indicative of a fetish. And sit back, it is a very long story!

First memory with balloons was in kinder. I would have been about 5 years old. I visited a boys house with my parents. I didn't like this boy because he was obsessed with pinching everyone at kinder or child care, I can't remember which it was. His name was Damion. I remember those two facts about him. Anyway, he was in a room full of balloons. Next thing I remember him chasing me around with a balloon to my ear. I was terrified.

Next memory was a year later in prep when I learned the lesson of the straw that broke the camel's back. First, the teacher read a story about this bike. People and animals piled onto the bike until it broke. I think in the story, a really heavy animal got on last, and it broke. The teacher asked why it broke, and we replied because the animal was heavy. The teacher said nuh uh, it's because there was too many things on it. She is going to prove it. Then she brings out balloons and I'm already scared. She tips a table upside down on the balloons. None pop. Then the teacher, who is the heaviest person in the class gets on and no balloons pop. One by one, all the kids get on the table. I watch terrified, as the balloons get more and more squashed, and they started popping. I can't remember if/when I got on the table. I do remember sitting there covering my ears, but I couldn't stop watching, but very scared.
Next memories. I had a balloon at home for some reason. I don't know what age these were, but I remember the room (was the rumpus room) was set up as a playroom, and I remember it not being set up that way when I was 11. So my age could have been anywhere between 6-11. I was sitting on a barely inflated yellow balloon and mum saw and asked something like 'are you playing with your body' in Hungarian. I don't remember the exact wording and I remember being confused about what she asked. But I knew it was something along the lines of 'are you doing something you should not be doing' and it was a little disturbing. Next one was sitting on a bigger blue balloon because it felt nice. I can't remember if it was sexually stimulating or it was just comfy. Either way, I had little concept of sexual arousal. This time, with the doors closed. The balloon popped, which was not intended. One of my parents was annoyed and said something like 'were you too rough with the balloon?'.

Next memory is in my room. Don't know how old I was. I'd say puberty age. Puberty happened at 11. This time, I had a balloon hidden in my closet, and I would pull it out and straddle it. And this time, it was feeling really good. But it might be that I'm attributing my current feelings onto the memory. But following the pleasure principle, I would not do something that could potentially pop a balloon unless it felt good. I don't much remember my attitude to this. Anything related to sex was disgusting. Masturbating was disgusting (I can't remember when I learned about it) and being gay was even more disgusting. I will make another post about my 'psychosexual development' which involved more than balloons. So I don't know if I knew what I was doing was a sexual thing but I knew it was something that should be hidden. Unlike boys, girls don't get an obvious sign like an erection. I don't know how often I did this. I think whenever I happened to have a balloon, which I'd never go out of my way to get. I'd avoid balloons if there were at parties.

Next bits were around when I was 12. It was at a friends birthday party, which his older sisters organised. We were going to play murder in the dark or some sort of game like that. The room had a lot of balloons in it, and we had to pop them to find who will play what role on a paper inside. I was too scared to pop one, so one of the sisters helped, and she popped it by sitting on it. It took a few bounces for it to pop. I liked watching the balloon. I can't remember if I actually dared to pop one myself like that, but I would have liked to. I think this was a pink balloon. I was also part of a group called Moppets with a friend. It was basically an after school group where we played organised games. One session involved popping all these balloons. On one hand, I wanted to sit pop them, but on the other hand, I was scared. Noticing my discomfort, one of the organizers explained that I don't have to pop any balloons and I could leave the room. I can't remember what happened, I think I left.

Also during this time, I started to have dreams where I was sitting on balloons and it actually felt nice in the dream. I remember feeling apprehensive about this. It is as if at the back of my brain, I knew I was sexually attracted to balloons even without having a concept of attraction. This made me uncomfortable. As I was getting older, playing games like passing balloons between the knees was really making me uncomfortable, and it wasn't because I was afraid they would pop. I was also feeling the same way about inflatables except to a lesser extent. When I was 13, inflatable chairs were in. I was not going to sit in one.

When I was about 15-16, I was at a friends party at the wave pool. There was a giant inflatable thing in the pool that you could run off and jump in. But we were playing some game where you actually had to hump your way, I kid you not, to the end into the water. Like as in you straddle the inflatable, lift yourself up and move forward. It was easy to slip and fall into the water. On my turn, I immediately fell into the water like 'whoops, I'm so clumsy I lose'. I remember thinking 'at times like this, I'm glad I'm not a boy' because I would have had a big fat boner. I also thought this activity was clearly sexual, and how on earth were the others getting involved so readily.

When I was about 20, this is where everything started to unravel. By this time, I was okay with my sexuality. I identified as asexual. Masturbation fantasies were about torturing someone in specific ways, or it was about imagining myself as a male. Rub the clit, that was the head of the penis. The labia were the balls, etc. More about this will go into that psychosexual post. I think I only started masturbating at 19. I had a boyfriend before that. Anyway, I was working at our local milkbar, and I read the mags when there are no customers. I was reading Cosmo. I come across this page which said something like 'balloon sex'. I got a shock, closed the mag and put it away. Biggest regret ever. When I dared to go find the article, that issue was gone. It might not have actually been about the balloon fetish. Now, searching the term 'balloon sex' resulted in hits not related to the fetish so maybe it wasn't. I will never know now. The article did have pictures of balloons though.

Next, I was looking at shock sites, you know goatse and the like. I stumbled across I load up the page and there is this well toned guy straddling a huge purple translucent inflatable penguin. And I thought the blood was going to explode right out of my genitals I was so turned on. I'd never been so turned on in my life. This arousal was different. Usually if I get turned on, it is because I start masturbating, then get turned on, not the other way around. It was very rare when that happened. This time, something else felt good, but I can't really explain it. Like I wanted something here, but I didn't know what. OMG I think it is sexual desire. I thought it was the man. He was African black (lol sounds funny), and there were not many Africans around my part, in Australia. So I thought it must be black guys. Shit, I'm just really racist! I frantically look for black guy porn, but none of it has the same effect. I had no interest in having sex with that guy when thinking about it. If he jumped out the screen, I'd still say no. But I'd masturbate to imagining myself as the guy humping the penguin for several days. As soon as I thought about the picture, I'd get turned on. It happened while I was at uni, even at lectures. I couldn't wait to get home for a wank.

I don't know how long it took to click that it was the fucking penguin, not the man! And that I would love to do it to a balloon, like in those dreams. Later, I went to a gaming convention and got some balloons there. Three uninflated promotional balloons. When no one was home, I inflated one, but didn't tie it off and sat on it. Then I humped it, and it was kind of like a 'finally!' moment. Although at the same time, I felt stupid. I'd be riding this balloon and it feels great. And then I think 'lol I am masturbating with a balloon'. I still did not want to admit there was something special about balloons. I'd start on the pillow, but of course I didn't think the pillow was stupid. I had these balloons for a while, and I'd sneak them under the doona very under inflated.

My 21st birthday was a good excuse to get balloons. I actually don't remember having balloons at the party, or maybe there was just a few hung up and that's it. But I took the remaining bag and hid them in my room. When nobody was home, I'd blow one up and grind on it until it pops or until I have an orgasm. If it didn't pop, I'd quickly knife it to get rid of it. I was too embarrassed to go get a pack from the supermarket, because omg someone might read my mind! Or ask me what they are for. Which is silly, no one asks me about all the other shit I buy. I've also gone to Toy' R Us, a large toy shop to get their charity balloons. They ask you at the register if you'd like to buy one, and can't say no to charity, right? These are 16”, and I was very excited to get on it. Unfortunately it popped fast.

I can't remember when I decided to actually search on the internet for 'balloon fetish', I think it was sometime at the end of 2007. I searched on youtube and I actually found videos! I couldn't believe it. Back then , I don't think there was much. I remember ridzel and lonelylooner666 as the main channels. This was important, as this was a supply of 'porn'. Actual porn never did interest me, except that one penguin picture. I later found commercial sites and the uk looners forum. You could read the forum without joining it, so I never did join until like 2010 when I decided to introduce myself. I later found the penguin picture actually comes from and it was from a video.

So it took me a very long time to admit was attracted to balloons and that's an okay thing. I am still unsure of my sexual orientation outside of balloons. I still have not felt any attraction towards anyone. BUT I do find specific people popping/riding balloons etc more attractive than others so maybe there is something there. But this is more of a preference for seeing such a person pop a balloon than to do any sort of non fetish related sexual activity with.

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  1. I also have faint memories from my childhood, and memories later on that can make me a bit embarrassed ;-) I was about 16-17 When I first realized that this was sexual. Very grateful that you published this Grim. Particularly interesting to hear how incredibly alike we are, which most likely can be explained by similar childhood. I also was terrified of balloons.

  2. A lélegzetem is elakadt olvasás közben, amikor magamra ismertem egy sor olyan dologban, ami velem is pontosan megesett. Sokáig tartott nekem mindezt elfogadni és örülök, hogy nem vagyok egyedi eset. Pisti(28F)

  3. You might be interested in my fetish blog, occasionally updated:

  4. That almost felt like a story I could have told myself =) Glad you found your way. All the best in the future and I really hope you find that very special someone as well ;)

    Hugs // NonPopper, Sweden

  5. I remember being completely fascinated with balloons as a little girl. I like to blog them up really big, but don't really like to B2P.